Talking about adoption or kinship care with your child likely won’t be a single conversation, but an ongoing journey. These talks are so important for building trust and helping your child feel secure. But let’s be real: they can feel tricky sometimes. The good news is, with a little openness and empathy, you’ll find your way together.

Start early, even if your child is very young. Simple language can lay the groundwork for understanding their story. For example, you might say something like, “You came to our family because your birth family couldn’t take care of you, but they loved you very much.” As they grow, you can build on that foundation, adding more details in ways that make sense for their age and emotions.

Kids can surprise you with their questions at the most unexpected times, and that’s okay! It’s a good thing. You want them to feel safe sharing their feelings, whatever those might be. Let them know it’s okay to be curious and that there are no “wrong” feelings. Be prepared to validate their emotions, even if they express sadness, confusion, or anger. For instance, if they say, “I miss my birth mom,” you can respond with, “It’s okay to miss her, and I’m here to talk about it anytime you want.” Validating their feelings lets them know they’re supported, no matter what’s on their mind.

It’s also important to be thoughtful about how you talk about their birth family. Even if the circumstances were tough, avoid negative language. Instead, focus on the love and care that led them to your family. If you don’t know all the answers, be honest but supportive: “I’m not sure why that happened, but we can figure it out together.” Honesty paired with reassurance goes a long way.

Books, stories, and other resources about adoption or kinship care can be a big help, too. Reading these books together can make these conversations feel more approachable and relatable. Find materials that reflect your family’s specific situation and encourage your child to share their thoughts as you read together. 

Above all, remind your child that their story is uniquely theirs, and it’s a story filled with love. Emphasize that they are unconditionally valued in your family. These conversations may feel tough at times, but they’re also opportunities to strengthen your bond and help your child feel proud of who they are–and where they belong.